The Gentlest Guide to Rio de Janeiro

BEST MILKSHAKE
BB Lanches, on the corner of Avenida Ataulfo de Paiva and Rua Aristides Espínola in Leblón, offers what might be the best milkshake in the world. The appropriately named “vanilla shake with ovaltine” comes either in a cup or in a little plastic bottle, and it should dazzle and delight. I could never tell quite what it tasted like (chocolate? malt? coconut?!), but I could easily tell that I always wanted one.

BEST JUICE BAR
To be honest, Copa Lima (on the corner of Rodolfo Dantas and Barata Ribeiro in Copacabana) might not be the best juice bar in the city, but it’s my favorite. Granted, Lauren and I lived a few blocks away so I might be a bit biased, but the juicesmiths at Copa Lima did mix up the most consistently great strawberry milks (that’s fresh strawberries with milk) and acerola+orange juice than anyone else that I patronized in the city. Plus, the dudes there are really nice.

BEST DOORMAN
This is Tonny Ribeiro, doorman of 94 Barata Ribeiro in Copacabana. He maintained a positive energy vibe zone in the foyer of our building to ensure that everyone in his building felt awesome as they hit the streets or returned home. I think he took some cues from Bob Esponja, who I’d see Tonny sometimes watching as he sat at the reception. He also sings (Video! quicktime, avi) and is a great guide to Rio’s permanent Northeastern Culture Fair at São Cristovão.

BEST ARAB FOOD
Arab (1936 Avenida Atlántica, phone: 21-2235-6698). Shansby seems to think that this place might serve the best Arab food in the world. All I know is that they have a lamb and lentil soup that changed my life forever. I don’t know if their fresh pita bread is more authentic than the stuff I get in the states, but oh man!

BEST POTATO CHIPS
You can get these at the monthly Samba night in Praça Mauá. I never found a similar chip making cart on the street, but they make excellent homemade chips at Rio Lisboa in Leblón if you need them more than once a month. Video! quicktime, avi

BEST DUB
I wrote about this place before. Get your mind blown at Digital Dubs every other Wednesday at Casa da Matriz. The DJs and soundsystem are among the best ever heard (by me).

BEST SAMBA
I’ve also written about this, but honestly. You will never have a better night anywhere than the once-a-month Friday night samba night at Praça Mauá. No cover, good food, and nothing but totally positive vibes. I think the schedule for this event is erratic, but it seems to happen about one Friday night each month. Email me if you want to go, and I’ll find out when it’s going on next. Pics here and here. Video! quicktime, avi

BEST TROPHY
Much to my surprise, I found out that the Fluminense soccer club isn’t just a soccer club, but a full on sports club. They have ALL SPORTS, including diving, table tennis, and apparently greco-roman wrestling. Mandy and I took a self-guided tour of Flumiense’s trophy room but never found anything better than the two massive über-detailed monuments to naked wrestling dudes that stand at the entrance.

BEST THING MCDONALD’S HAS IN BRASIL THAT YOU CAN’T GET IN THE STATES
This is the last bite of a McDonald’s Banana Pie with a bit of Nutella on it. The banana pie immediately impressed me when I first tried it, but for some reason I became fixated on the idea of eating it with Nutella. I didn’t actually combine the two until the very end of my time in Brazil, probably because I rarely went to McDonald’s (I promise). The combo was fine, but the Nutella didn’t add as much as I thought it would. The pie is excellent on its own.

BEST PIZZA
Zona Sul is a chain of grocery stores with the worst website I’ve ever seen. Not all of their stores have pizzerias, but many do. Do yourself a favor and stop in for lunch someday. Not only do you get to experience one of my favorite experiences as a tourist (that of walking around a foreign grocery store), but you’ll get some excellent pizza at the same time. I like to go half and half between the Four Cheese (Quatro Queijos) and Margherita.

BEST ANTIQUE WAREHOUSE AND CLUB
Rio Scenarium (20 Rua do Lavradio in Lapa, phone: 21-3852-5516). This is another place to catch great samba or buy several antique telephones or apothecary jars. They’ve got hip hop on Saturdays too. The place is huge.

BEST TAXI DRIVER IF YOU LIKE THE SMITHS / WORST TAXI DRIVER IF YOU DON’T LIKE CREEPY STALKERS
His name is Marivaldo, and you can call him for a ride at (21) 9909 0712. Lauren and I met him when we hailed his cab to go home after a date. He was listening to some jazz and I asked him if he was a jazz fan (I don’t know why. conversation, I guess). He said “no. I like rock. I like Os Smits.” That last part means that he likes The Smiths. I couldn’t believe my ears. Before I had a chance to say “CROC!” we were listening to “The Boy With the Thorn in His Side” as we drove through Ipanema.

He and his Smiths CDs took me to the airport when I left the country and I paid for the ride by giving him my cell phone. I forgot to erase the numbers I had in there and he thought it’s be cool to call the ladies whose numbers I had. My beloved co-workers Livia and Déborah both started receiving collect calls from the fool, but they never answered. Phew! Anyway, I leave it up to you, the reader, to decide if you want to take a ride with this guy.

Also, he goes surfing at night (at least that’s what he said).

BIGGEST SURPRISE SPORT TEAM
American Football? In Brazil? Yes! Two guys from CDI play football for Os Reptiles, which is an American beach football team that plays in Botafogo. One of my greatest regrets of the summer is never making it to see them play.

BEST BATHROOM SIGNS
I like how they say masculine and feminine. Mandy and I took these pics at the Fluminense sports club.

SCARIEST CHILDREN’S RIDE IN MALL
I would never let my child* ride this. It’s located in an arcade in a massive mall somewhere outside of Niteroi. There is nothing good about this mall, especially because it’s haunted (by this ride).

*I don’t have a child…that I know of! LOL!1